Little spoons don't ask big questions
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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