she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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