i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
