Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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