I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
