i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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