Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
