My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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