OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
