I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
