Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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