so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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