So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
