it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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