Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
