All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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