her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In other news, I just burned my penis
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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