so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
