Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
