at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
