hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
