i just wanna soil my oats bro
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
