Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
