Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
