yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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