biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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