how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
