Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
