But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wish there were birth control emojis
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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