i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
