the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
