remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
