how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
