Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You can't special order awesome
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
being pregnant is like rehab
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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