How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
