weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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