Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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