But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
