i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
