I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
