would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
