I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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