Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
