we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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