I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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