So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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