what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
