Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My feet surprised me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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