its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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