I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
