you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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